My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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