They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.