Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
