All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
