After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
