You can't motorboat a personality
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
