im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
