Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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