took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
