My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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