My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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