Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
