she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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