the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
