I wanna bring you to show and tell
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
