dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate all girls vehemently.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
