Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
