you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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