I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
