we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
