I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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