I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
