i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
