I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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