So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
