some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I deserve this hangover.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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