My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
