erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
