Banned from zoo.
Again?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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