and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
