i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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