i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
