He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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