Screwed.edu
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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