I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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