The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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