my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
