I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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