i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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