It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize