just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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