I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
