I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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