..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
