Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
