i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
