I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we made out on top of his cat.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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