i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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