Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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