When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
