just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
