It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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