well I can't set my house on fire every night
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
