So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
