She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
