You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
