im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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