i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
