You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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