her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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