Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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