I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
