Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
