wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
