If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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