she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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