Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
