I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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