What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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