tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
